Weird Things

Six Weird Things Meme

There are so many weird things about me I guess I'll just grab the first 6 that come to mind.

1) I have to use oxygen because I took medication that, it turned out, I was allergic to. It wrecked my lungs but we found out too late to do anything about it. It's a pain in the ass -- especially when we try to travel when the airlines add major bucks to the cost of the ticket for me to use their oxygen.
2) I have a "funny little family." It's growing lately though. In November there were two additions: our first grandchild (a lovely little girl) and one daughter's new partner. There are now 7 of us with 5 last names. Go figure.
3) My husband & I met in group therapy when we were working through the crap that accompanied divorces. What's weird is that we learned lots of intimate details of each other's lives before we even knew the other's last names or the usual first date stuff. I think that gave us an amazing foundation and we are more in love today than we were 22 years ago.
4) I spend more time reading knitting blogs than I do knitting.
5) I used to love to quilt until the combination of us having to downsize and my health made it impossible. I had to give away about 25 cartons of fabric but it all went to quilters who will use it to make quilts for AIDS babies and the Ronald McDonald House. That helped blunt the pain of having to get rid of all that fabric -- a little.
6) I had to give away a large part of my yarn stash, too. I don't know where it went, just that it went to some charitable organization (or someone scammed me). But I still have way too much yarn for me to knit it all in my lifetime.
7) I remember the details of pregnancy and childbirth as if it happened yesterday. I loved every single bit of it. The child in question is 36. And I love her just as much as I did then -- more even.

I know that's 7. I said I was weird.

Recreation

Now a Knitting Blog

Originally this blog was a means to help me through some personal growth issues. Recreation then meant re-creation. My own re-creation. Now it means recreation as in having fun. So the blog name remains perfect. It's time for me to have fun even though my life is at a really scary place right now.

I'm just testing to see if I can actually do this. I don't actually produce enough knitting to make it interesting but what I don't produce, I think I can make up for in pictures of stash. My stash is about 1/10 the size it once was but there's still plenty to knit for the next umpteen years. I have several cones of lace wt. yarn that I could sell on eBay because I doubt that I'll ever use them again. But then again, I'm just getting interested in knitting lace ... Who knows.

Now I'll put up pictures of some finished objects from 2006. Mostly I knitted baby things because in April my birthday present was the announcement that my daughter L was going to have a baby, our first grandchild. Baby A, a beautiful little girl was born the day before Thanksgiving.

So I started with the Baby Kimono from the genius women at Mason Dixon Knitting (GWMDK). It was a joy to make with Artyarns Ultramarino. Unfortunately, the gauge god reared its ugly little head. And by little, I do mean little. I'm just hoping our granddaughter likes to play with dolls when she gets older. The hat might possibly fit her, maybe. And the socks are fine. But the sweater. Doll clothes. Not human clothes. Go figure. So next I decided to play it safe and actually do a gauge swatch. I'm sure you've heard of that. I knew it was familiar but I just hadn't done too much swatching myself. Once burned, twice whatever...

So next came the Baby Moderne variation on the log cabin blanket also from the GWMDK. (Gauge swatch not required.) This was fun to knit up until the the last couple of logs when I thought garter stitch was no longer my friend. But when it was finished, I was very happy with it. And when I saw the baby in it, well, I just could have burst. And it had to have a matching sweater. It's the kimono again only this time I did the cardigan variation. And it fit the 1 month old with freakin' room to grow. I saw this with my own eyes and was very pleased.

Next came several Ballband Warshrags. Why? I don't know except that everyone was doing them. That's my excuse. They, too, are from the GWMDK. Isn't everything? I love that book. I am in awe of their creativity. I love that this book is full of stuff that doesn't have to fit (okay, except for my problem with the first kimono). Here are two ballbands. The others are the same but different colors. Seen one, seen 'em all.

Then I had an itch to do the Devan sweater from Knitty. Ever since it first appeared in Knitty, I wanted to make that sweater. Now I had a baby coming and a real excuse to make it. And heaven knows I have enough sock yarn for dozens and dozens. But of course, I had to buy more sock yarn because the sock yarn I had was enough for one pair of socks each and this sweater required two skeins . Oh, poor me, I have to buy yarn. Okay, now I have enough yarn for for several Devons! But I've only done this one.


This sweater was a gift for another baby. The pattern is from the Yarn Harlot herself, Stephanie Pearl McPhee and is called "Daisy" -- it was also from Knitty. I used a washable wool from Brown Sheep for this one. It's very soft and cuddly. I wish I'd taken a picture of the buttons. They were great!

That's all the knitting I have pictures of but I do have one more picture. I toyed with bead weaving for a while. Okay, toyed with is not quite accurate. I was obsessed with it. My daughter B summed it up quite well when she said, "Well, Mom, beading doesn't take up as much space as knitting and sewing." Too true. But the obsession didn't last either. While I was obsessed, I had a very ill friend. I designed and made her this bracelet. She believed that angels were watching over her. I sure hope they were because she died, and I'd like to believe she's one of them now.

Corticosteroids & other stuff

"Corticosteroids are a family of drugs that include cortisol—an adrenal hormone found naturally in the body—as well as synthetic drugs. Though natural and synthetic corticosteroids are both potent anti-inflammatory compounds, the synthetics exert a stronger effect. Oral forms of corticosteroids are used to treat numerous autoimmune and inflammatory conditions, including asthma, bursitis, Crohn’s disease, skin disorders, tendinitis, ulcerative colitis, and others. They are also used to treat severe allergic reactions and to prevent rejection after organ transplant.
Corticosteroids are available for inhalation by mouth to treat asthma and other conditions of restricted breathing, as well as by nose to treat symptoms of nasal allergies. Topical forms are available to treat skin conditions, such as eczema, psoriasis, insect bites, and hives. Some topical products contain combinations of corticosteroids and antibiotics, and are used to treat ear, eye, and skin infections."

An ode to steroids. A partial list of the problems that the powerful steroids can address and fix. Unfortunately, they also carry side effects like brittle bones, cataracts and elevated blood sugar - particularly if they are taken in high doses or for long periods of time. Not to mention weight gain. Major weight gain. So from the minute you goes on steroids, you want to get off them. It becomes a goal, like finishing college or deciding where you'll be living next month. That's pretty much like I've done with my life. I know I blogged about waiting for something to happen for my life to begin.

Well, I'm nearly off steroids, just taking a little bit and damned if I'm not being hit with some old familiar stuff. Haven't been to exercise in over a week now. Took me long enough to say it, didn't it? But I got there. For Catholics, confession was never an easy thing, not even when we made up sins -- which of course we had to do because first we were little kids and not at all sinful and then we were teenagers and every thought was sinful but you couldn't say that out loud especially to a priest. So we just made up sins. I'm not making this up. I haven't exercised in over a week. Gout & fibromyalgia. Again. My GP says there's a new med for gout on the market in Canada which is going to be approved soon by the FDA, one that won't be a problem for my lungs. But he's trying to get it from Canada for me now. Gotta love this guy. And he lives in Texas, not Maryland!!

But as I go down on steroids, I'm having to go up on Topomax which is the epilepsy medication. I have had 2 seizures in the 3 months since seeing the neurologist last so she wants to up the dosage a bit. I don't mind because they are fabulous appetite suppressants. I get full really fast. I've even lost some weight. Not gobs but the scale is going in the right direction. Hooray.

I've been selling selling selling. Ebay mostly but I had this particular fabric that I must tell you about. I had 2 yards of all 60 colorways of this fabric. I loved it. Here's a quilt made with some of this fabric: http://www.creativequiltideas.com/phc.htm and http://www.lvcm.com/ht/nova.html and http://www.flamewerks.com/images/quilts/quilt.jpg and http://cloudnine.freeservers.com/gallery_2a_art_quilts.html (scroll down - it's the one called "Cyberplaid). I loved this fabric. Obviously. I had 120 yards of it. I found a buyer by joining an art quilt online forum and just asking if anyone in that group knew where I might sell it. I was thrilled that it went to a good home (www.elizabethpoole.com). And this morning someone from the Quilters' Guild of Dallas picked up 14 (FOURTEEN) boxes of fabric. She will make packets that will be used by the guild members to make quilts for AIDS babies and Ronald MacDonald House kids. It makes me feel great that all this fabric will be used to cuddle babies and little kids. It takes away a part of my guilt, too. Isn't it ironic that we get this big tax write-off at a time when we have nothing to write it off against. Damn.

As the old saying goes, "Write if you get work." In my case, I just write here -- work or no. It helps.

What Helen Keller Said

I just received this quote in my email from A. We had talked about it on the phone and she remembered (I am so impressed): "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." (from Let Us Have Faith, 1940).

Whew. Is that on topic or what??

Off Center But on Track

I'm still here and will probably write even less frequently now. The move, you know. At the moment, moving east has the edge. It looks like the winner but things could change when we get to the electoral college or even when we recount the vote. You never know what those hanging chads will reveal.

K. spent nearly a week back there and is no closer to a job. The idea of going back and not having employment is damn scary if you ask me. Much scarier than staying here with no job. The hospice company is not close to offering him anything here either so...

I am very fearful and must face this head on. I don't want to be ruled by fear. So I won't be. It's not how I choose to live my life. But I have a lot of work to get done so I'd better get going and do it. Please send us positive vibes. We really need them right now. (Like we don't always???)

This is how I choose to live

I am meditating daily. I think I can say that now that I've done it every day for two weeks. I love that.

I find that when I ask myself if I'm chosing or doing what or how I want to be in my life, it helps me stay on track. It helps me to stop eating when I'm full. It helps me to not eat the wrong foods. It helps me get in the car and go to Curves. The question I ask myself is this: Is this how I want to live my life? It requires that I stay present and that's the hard part -- and the most important. There are still times when I just feel the need to zone out.

But maybe that's just a cop out. This morning has been one of those times. I haven't gotten anything done, and I have to leave in about an hour. But my new resolve is to start treating myself as if I were one of you guys, a friend. So I'm not going to get all pissed at myself and start calling myself names. I took the morning off. Period. End of story.

Now I'm going to go take some pictures of some books and sell them (I hope) on ebay.

Trying for a Sucessful Post

We'll see if Blogger will let me post today. K. is in DC in what may become our new digs. He meets with Tom tonight. I went to church today. Holy shit! I went to church today! I can't even tell you how weird I find this. One of the things they do at this church is this: at the end of the service they join hands & sing "Let There Be Peace on Earth." Everybody is sort of swaying with the music, it's nice. But then the last verse comes and all these joined hands raise up and sing the phrase, "let there be peace on earth & let it begin with me." Man, I gotta tell you, it grabs my heart every time. There is something very powerful not in just the words but the whole group.

Today she talked about forgiveness, and it was excellent. She talked about ways of forgiving and I knew that I had done exactly that with my family of origin. She talked about people we might need to forgive -- parents, boss, friends, spouse, ex-spouse. And just before she said it, I knew what she was going to say -- yourself. If I have been able to use the principles and practices of forgiveness for others in my life, I clearly know how to do it. Now I must use those for myself. It's very important, I think, that I forgive myself for things I've done that I've carried around all these years as evidence that I'm a schmuck, no-good, etc. I won't belabor the point. I'll meditate more.

Now I have to go become ebay queen and sell some stuff. Because, in case I neglected to mention it, we are friggin moving!!

Damn Blogger

Well, I just spent a good bit of time (which I really don't have these days) writing here & then Blogger ate the whole thing. Dammit. I don't know what happened. But it was gone. So I'll tell you briefly what I told you at length before (aren't you glad Blogger ate the first one!).

Answers for Rap: NoCal daughter is the one who lives in Northern California. SoCal daughter is Peanut who lives in Southern California. I can just see you slapping your forehead and saying, "of course." Finding my voice: I'm not sure what A. meant but here's what I mean. In my family where there were all sorts of nasty things going on, no one talked about any of it. No one told us not to talk. It was just clear that certain things weren't discussed. So I didn't really until I met you at age 15 and even then not the real knitty gritty stuff. I really wanted to be in the school choir at Ichabod but singing out loud at the audition was so scary I could barely get a sound out. So after threatening the music teacher that I wouldn't babysit his new twins, he let me in with the proviso that I mouth the words. Learn a new language? No problem. I could read & write in Latin, French & Spanish. But speak any of them. Forget it. Not a word. Nope, none. Senior class play nearly caused me a nervous breakdown. I had a small but pivotal role which required that I speak with a hoity-toity accent. Totally inhibited. So finding my voice means finding all of them. Making sounds. Making noises. And toning or chanting is supposed to be really good for you -- sets up healing vibrations in your body & all sorts of good stuff. If only A. good leave comments!!

What I also had written about was my little victories. I made it around the circuit twice for the first time at Curves Wednesday. Of course, I could hardly walk yesterday and every muscle hurt but I'll get there! There's a woman who goes at the same time Tina & I do and she's really a hoot. She makes me laugh & makes it fun.

Okay, I'm going copy this before I post it. That way, if Blogger is still hungry, at least I haven't lost the whole damn thing!

Celebrate Victories Wherever You Find Them

Victories don't have to be celebrated with champagne and a brass band or the friggin president flying onto an aircraft carrier or even dinner at a fancy restaurant. I'm celebrating every moment of the little victories I've been having lately. I made it twice around the circuit at Curves on Wednesday for the first time. Woo hoo. Yea me! I'm wearing a blouse that's been too tight for the past year. Woo hoo, ibid. Lest you think I'm getting a swelled head here. No, not that. I have a really, really long way to go. But each little milestone makes me feel like carrying on the journey and makes the journey more interesting and fun. There's a woman (Kathy) at Curves who's there every MWF at 4 as am I. She's quite skinny and wears lots of make up (which is odd for working out) and has perhaps had a bit of "work" done. She could be anywhere from 50 to 80. I have no idea. But we were introduced the first day I was there, and she immediately started calling me Sal. I loved that. We now have a banter that makes Curves even more fun than when it's just Tina & me. She's really funny. And she can take what she gives so I tease her, and we all laugh a lot. Unfortunately, in doing two times around the circuit (that's all you're supposed to do), I perhaps overdid it. I could barely walk yesterday. Today's a bit better but not 100%. I think I need to go more slowly at each station if I'm going around twice.

Answers to Rap's questions: NoCal daughter lives in Northern California. SoCal daughter is Peanut and lives in southern California! "Finding my voice." I'm not sure how A. meant it but here's how I heard it. Kids in homes such as mine where there's lots of nasty stuff going on learn at an early age that you just don't talk about it. Whatever it is. And you, R., know what all "it" was. You don't talk about it. I didn't until I met you and even then not the knitty gritty stuff. I wanted desperately to be in the choir at Ichabod but opening my mouth to try to sing was way more than I could handle. That's why the music teacher said I could be in the choir if I voiced the words (that & my threatening not to babysit for his new twins). I was/am so intimidated by the idea of making sounds that aren't speaking sounds. Speaking a foreign language? Oh, no. Senior class play just about did me in because I had to speak with a hoity-toity accent. So to me, finding my voice means finding ALL my voices. Letting myself be free to make noise! Toning & chanting seems like a good way to start. Plus it's supposed to be really good for you, sets up healing vibrations and all that good stuff.

I'm trying to get stuff listed for ebay but find it very slow going. K. is going to DC tomorrow and hasn't (as far as I can tell) actually talked to anyone there about jobs. I'm ready to pull my hair out. I really don't want to move across the country and have him sit there and not look. There were all sorts of things that were on our lists, and I think he's just decided the hell with it all. I vacilate between wanting to yell at him and wanting to just ignore the whole situation (oh, that's me all right). Over the last almost 3 years, I've felt it important not to nag him and not to get into his shit. But I'm feeling like I should get into it a bit right now! The move is 6 weeks away, and we have so much to do.