Decision Time

What to do. Move east where we have such wonderful friends and will have free FREE rent? I guess if it's free, it's not rent, right? Free housing, there. Or stay here where we have such wonderful family? We have to move one way or the other. Both daughters have voted that we should move east. I'd really like to talk to my brother S but he's off in Hawaii for a week. So we'll talk when he gets back. But we don't have a lot of time to agonize over this decision. And that's what it feels like -- agony.

I'm so much more comfortable letting circumstances make desicions for me. (How old AM I? 12?) I don't want to make this decision. I thought my health insurance would make the decison for us. I'm in the TX high risk health insurance pool, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't cover me if I lived in Maryland (hee hee). So I got online and found that Maryland has the same thing. There goes that excuse. Leaving the decision back in our court.

T. called the night before last to say that he was afraid his offer via email was cold, and he wanted to make the offer by phone to tell us he loved us and wanted to do what he could to help. He's such a lovely, lovely man. I told him IF do this, we could clear out on the weekends when he's back (thinking of a certain place on a certain river w/ some other friends who don't seem to mind our freeloading!!). He said that he wouldn't want us to and would love the company. I think he's quite lonely. He's been through a lot in the last several years.

I've gone over the pros and cons. On the stay in Texas side: (1)A very big factor is weather and sunshine. I truly love that about this place. Sunshine almost every day wards off depression better than any damn pill. I haven't taken anti-depressants in a long time, and I think it's because of the sunshine. (2)S & S -- my wonderful brother and his family and the whole big group that we have become. When we moved here, there were only 7 (my brother's family of 4 plus one girlfriend and the 2 of us). Now there are 15 (and at least one trying to get pregnant -- no, not me, but I'm sure that was your first thought -- hee hee). Although those big gatherings wear me out, and I'm not really in the midst of them completely, I love them. I love my two nieces who are like surrogate daughters in a way. If we move we have neither daughters nor surrogates. (3)The idea of living in someone else's space (presumably with his stuff) is odd, makes me feel like I'll never feel at home and will always feel like company. (4) Familiarity. I know my little world here. Moving never bothered me before. In fact, I found it sort of exciting to go somewhere and get to know a new place, new people. Now? Not so much. I didn't find it easy making friends here (as evidenced by how few people I know here and even fewer I consider friends). This place we'd be going isn't metropolitan DC. It's more like out in the country, I think. I don't know. My world is small, and I don't particularly want to push the boundaries right now.


On the move to Maryland side: (1) I probably should push my boundaries right now. I'm so insular and isolated and comfortable, it's probably not healthy. (2) My best friends are in the East (those of you who read this -- not counting daughters) are in the East. I really don't have friends here. Oh, I have friends but they aren't pour-your-heart-out friends. They're more oh-you-got-new-shoes friends. You know what I mean? (3) Free housing.

My brain is overwhelmed again. I have to get off this topic for at least five minutes. We were notified yesterday by our leasing agency that if we don't sign another one-year lease, the rent will be 32% higher!! If we sign another lease it won't go up at all. Needless to say, we will be out of here on September 17th one way or the other.